A letter to Zoe

Dear Zoe,

It’s the middle of the night and you just woke up from one of your very short naps. Luckily your mom is getting a little bit of sleep now;  you both had a pretty rough night but you are here with us now and that’s all that matters.

I believe in God and I do talk to him from time to time; though I would not say I am a super religious man. When I was told you were coming I prayed each and every night before going to sleep for God to bring you to us safely and healthy. You gave us (mostly me) a good scare but it looks like he listened and here you are.

The last 24 hours I had so much fear going through me wondering:
How are we going to raise this girl?
How are we going to afford this?
Will we be good parents?
Will I be a good dad?

All that disappeared when I was able to finally hold you. You are so small in my hands but now the biggest thing in my world. The explosion of amazing emotions I am feeling cannot begin to be put into words. I can just tell you I love you with all my heart Zoe. Speaking of the world,  yours has certainly changed. You have gone from the comfort of your mom now out into this scary place but I am here to tell you I will be with you every step of the way.

I will protect and love you always, though sometimes later down the road you may not think so. I will love you with every once of love I could possibly give you. I wish I could express how much you mean to me better but the words I love you Zoe are the strongest words I can say to you and I want you to know that will never change. I cannot wait to get you home and start our journey together as a family and being your dad. I use to keep up this wall pretending as I did not need children to make your mom and I happy but you crushed that wall and I realize we couldn’t be happier now that you are in it.

You have a long road ahead of you, the things you will learn and see, the people you will meet. I am excited to help teach you things, not just in books or what you will learn in school but what you see and feel. I am excited to teach you the meaning of loving life and every step you take in it. How to treat people in the world and give them love though they may not return it. I am excited to teach you how little things such as the sun hitting your face on a new spring day can mean so much and make your day at the same time. Show you the things God created for us and what they all mean to me and how special they are. 

We are going to learn a lot together Zoe. You are going to teach me things just the same which you’ve already have started with the new love that has grown in me.


A letter to my future child

Dear future child of mine,

We don’t officially know each other yet but I think about you all the time. Every single day, the thought of you floods my mind. There are so many questions I have.

What will you be like?

Will you have a full head of hair?

Are you a boy or girl?

Will you like videogames?

Can you please root for the Wichita State Shockers basketball team with me?

At the same time I have so many questions for myself. What we are about to embark on will be completely new for us so please be patient with me and I will also learn to be patient with you. I’ve never been a father before and really don’t know the first thing about being one. But fortunately you have so many wonderful cousins that have hopefully been preparing me for a small bit of what is about to happen. Of course being an uncle is totally different than a father but know this, you are coming into a world where you will be loved by so many people most importantly by your parents.

I’m actually sitting here on your mother’s couch typing this out and feel like I’m just rambling. It’s late into the night, SportsCenter is on as white noise and the thought of you is all my focus is on. I’m not going to lie, my eyes water up every now and then and I don’t even know why. I’m not scared; I’m not sad; I don’t even know how to explain it.  I’m just anxious. I don’t know what the future holds but I can’t wait so much to meet you and hold you in my arms for the first time.


P.S. I can’t believe I’m even typing that right now